ASLAN. HI.
So, I have had an eating disorder. I mean, I might still have one, I don’t know. Anyway, I had a very SERIOUS one in 2010 and you probably can’t tell because I’m of very average BMI. I just want you to know that the reason you’re doing these things — eating 500 calories a day and stuff — is because you are not comfortable in your own skin. And because you believe that you’re fat. I’ll have you know that you’re not overweight, you’re not “fat”. You actually have a very healthy body, and it’s important to not be a stick when you’re a teenager because your body needs fat. And fat isn’t a bad word, it’s a part of your body, just like muscle is. Your body needs fat to function properly. To have your period, to function properly. So, like, a stereotypical ballet person or a stereotypical model who starves themselves will have a very flat chest and small hips. And this isn’t because they have god-given beauty and petiteness, it’s because she has starved herself so much that her body can’t develop. Your body is absolutely perfectly healthy. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to change how you look. I’m doing that, actually, I have a gym membership. If you don’t have access to a gym, try making your own workouts at home. Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables every day and eat WHOLE, STRUCTURED MEALS. This way, you won’t feel like binging. Binging happens because it’s like, “I’ll eat all this now and just vomit it out later or work it off and I’ll never do it again”, but if you eat healthily and regularly, then binges won’t happen. It’s perfectly okay to eat chocolate and icecream. Heather Morris (Brittany on Glee) likes making chocolate coated peanut butter balls and she’s fit as fuck. So, I encourage you to get a healthy exercise routine with good nutritional habits. This way you’ll actually become leaner. Muscles will develop and you’ll be “tighter” in general. Starving yourself just degenerates the muscles and makes you look even more bloated. Starving yourself LONGTERM damages your bones and internal organs. 500 calories a day is not a good idea. I know you don’t want to be anorexic, but calorie limiting is definitely a bad sign. I don’t believe you’re anorexic YET, I believe that you definitely have signs of an onset. The thing is, you know how you feel fat? Well, losing weight will not change your thinking. I know you might think it will, that seeing a number on the scale will make you feel happy about yourself, but it won’t. It’ll bring you temporary joy, and then you’ll want to lose more. You really will. What you have to do is, you have to change the way you think about yourself, not your body. Your body is not you. If you go through life having the mindset that you are not enough and you try to resolve this thinking with extreme actions, you’ll carry it on to other things. You’ll blame it on all your insecurities rather than rationalising. “Oh, this boy doesn’t like me because I’m fat.” “Oh, Mum won’t give me seconds because I’m fat”. It’s an unhealthy mindset. I’m willing to, you know, help you out whenever you have a thought that you think is wrong, you can tell me that, and I’ll give you thinking strategies or something to sort that out. The way you think is a teenage way of thinking, it’s juvenile insecurity. That’s perfectly OK for somebody your age, because you are a teenager. Teenagers think like that and it’s not bad unless they have an extremist personality and they take out their fears in unhealthy ways. However, people that have been through therapy and have absorbed it all have healthier thinking patterns than the average teenager even if they’re more “fucked up”, because they know what rational thinking is. I can definitely help you out there if you want, I can also help you with meals or exercise plans if you want some, whatever. I’m more than happy to help you get healthier if that’s what you want. But what you’re doing now is DEFINITELY an onset of something far more dangerous, and right now you can very easily stop what you’re doing and get healthy. And that doesn’t make you weaker than anorexics or too much of a goody two shoes, it’s a good thing. I love you. <3